Saturday, April 28, 2012

Car Parts

After-market car accessories are a great way to personalize your vehicle, and provide an outlet for expressing yourself to both pedestrians and other drivers alike.  For example, every year around NHL playoff time, it is not uncommon to see vehicles with small flags fastened to driver side and passenger side windows that display the logo of their favourite team.  Bumper stickers can provide opportunities for sharing vehicle related humour, helping lighten the mood while drivers are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.  Snap-on oversized rear view mirrors are a great way to improve your visibility when driving, while warning other drivers around you who happen to notice your gargantuan novelty mirror that you have no business operating a motor vehicle, and that extra space should therefore be provided when driving in your proximity.

Not all accessories are good ones however, and one in particular makes me cringe every time I see it.  The one I am referring to is typically seen hanging off the trailer hitch at the rear of a pick-up truck, and that of course is none other than the dangling metal scrotum.  I can only imagine Henry Ford’s neck wrenching double take, and horrified reaction the moment he walked past the back of a truck with his name on it, his eyes fixated in disbelief at the mere sight!!  Surely he did not intend for his vehicles to be defiled in such a way.  And exactly what statement is the truck owner trying to make by going out and buying a large metal scrotum, and attaching it to the back of his vehicle?  Thinking it through, and with a little imagination, the answer is only logical.  He’s a dick!  I wonder if he has to be careful when backing into a parking space with a raised concrete curb.  He wouldn’t want to scratch his balls.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Baby On Board

I'll never understand why over-protective parents feel the need to put those stupid "Baby on Board" stickers on the back window of their minivans.  Unless the baby is driving, I don't need to know you have a baby in there, or are you expecting me to turn down my stereo and drive by you quietly, just in case the baby is sleeping?  Please.  I don't care who's in your car any more than you care who's in mine.  You can go ahead and remove that sticker any time now.  And while you're at it, remove those even more stupid stickers that tell everyone how many people you have in your family, what sex they are, how many pets you have, whether your son plays hockey, whether your daughter figure skates, whether your family has been to Disneyland, etc...  You're afraid to post your picture on Facebook, yet you give everyone who drives behind you all that personal information about your family.  Real smart.

And while we're talking about babies, what's the deal with baby corn?  I like regular size corn, I don't know why they needed to make that.  Thanks science.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Hunger Games

Yesterday afternoon we went to see The Hunger Games, but before the movie started, were forced to watch as two unaccompanied little brats ran up and down the theatre aisles and all through the seats.  Unbeknownst to them, the consensus of the audience was quickly forming, and they came very close to being the first two children killed during this movie.