Without even thinking, we all have these little reactionary sayings we blurt out at the appropriate time almost like a defence mechanism protecting us from awkward situations, but not accurately expressing how we truly feel. I know you know what I’m talking about. Here are just a few examples:
“Have a nice day!” Translation: I’m done talking to you, and I really don’t care what you do, as long as you do it away from me.
“Happy Birthday!!” Translation: Where’s the cake? This means we’re having cake, right? What, no cake? Pfft… then I don’t care.
“Oh, it’s ON!!” Translation: It is so not on. People say this when they just got burnt or embarrassed for whatever reason, and in an attempt to save face, they say such ridiculous things such as “Oh, it’s ON!!”, failing to realize that everyone around them knows all too well that they are not going to do anything in retaliation, thus only compounding the humiliation further.
“Hey Chief, how’s it going?” Translation: I’m going to be polite to you, but I have no idea who you are. If we did ever meet before as it appears you are claiming based on the expression on your face, clearly I was so unimpressed with you that I didn’t feel remembering your name was a priority.
“Enjoy your vacation!” to co-worker. Translation: Yeah, you better run! I can’t believe you left me with all this paperwork to do! You knew you were going away, why didn’t you deal with it you lazy SOB! I hope you choke on a pina colada.
“You gave it your best” Translation: Oh my God that was horrible! In what world do you live in that makes you think you could even pull that off? I’m embarrassed to know you right now.
“Happy Holidays!” Translation: Sorry Jesus, I am a weak, weak person who lets political correctness get in the way of what I really want to say.
“That looks great on you!” Translation: If I say what I’m really thinking, it may impact our friendship, so I’m just going to say this, and try to change the topic as quickly as possible so that I don’t accidently utter something I might regret.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it” Translation: It’s not okay, I will remember this forever, and I will get my revenge if it’s the last thing I do! I will hunt you down bitch!!
“That random blog thing you do is great!” Translation: You are my hero, and everything you say is bang on. Thank you for putting my feelings into words, and for being so handsome. You should be paid a lot of money to do this, you are so incredibly awesome!